EmotiOnS amOk

Am so tired. Kinda wish I could be devoid of emotions, that way I would not have to feel what I am experiencing now - indecisiveness, guilt and pain.


Indecisive about the decision I made. Wanting to move on but the emotional side of me is resisting it with all its might. "What ifs" keep popping up in my heart. Emotional vs Rational. Never knew I was capable of such internal struggle.


Guilt because of the people whom are waiting for me. Just because I am indecisive, it holds everyone back, giving people hope. Am so sorry to have mislead you in any way. Know that no matter what happens in future, it is still ultimately best for me to ask you to go. Perhaps that ain the smartest way, but its the best way to reduce hurt to the minimal.


Guess for pain, I do not need to elaborate. Have no wish to either. After all, pain is best experienced alone. There is no need to share.

Moving On

I was who I was, I am who I am, I''ll be who I'll be

With this, I am moving on. All the conflicts that I had faced within myself throughout the reflection process so far, they are now all laid to rest. The process of accepting my past was not easy, but with the support of many loved ones, it was eventually possible. Tears were shed, internal struggles were rife, but the end is now finally in sight. Its only at times like this that one ll come to appreciate the support network one has, and can see clearly who are the friends who truly can "connect" and be there. I am now ready to move on, knowing in me what I want.

Told the people that needed to know what I felt inside. Tied up all the loose ends that I have to, including those that I was hesitant to do. Now I am ready to move on. Kinda anticipating what the future will hold, though not exactly knowing what it entails. Well, all I have to do now is to stay strong, stick to what I believe & have decided, and the rest will fall in place.

Yet, the learning journey ain over. It is a continuous process.. Its just that this part of it is completed.. and I am beginning a new one.

What Can I Say

As the days go by, I never fail to amaze myself with what I am doing. Never did I know that I have the strength in me to carry on doing what I have to do outwardly, despite carrying all those emotional excesses inside me. I can even segregate the former from the latter, and carry on professionally, concealing perfectly what has to remain hidden. Perhaps 'cos what is felt is hard to be verbalised, it makes the whole process of masking it all much easier. Or maybe, it is really true that one does not know where one's limits are until pushed.

Irregardless of all, what matters most is that I got to know myself better, strength & weakness. Everything may seem bleak now but it will pass one day. What I really wonder is when? Or rather, where exactly is my limit or breaking point.. Would I approach it soon? Somehow, all these words just feel like they fail to convey how I feel, but well,


:) Life will be fine, somehow! :)