KnOwiNg Me, KnOwing yOu nOt

Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye...
Knowing me, knowing you.
We just have to face it this time, we are through
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go"

Today marks the start of my one year "celibacy" aka CY. One year's worth of time for me to rediscover myself, and to learn more about what I am, my beliefs, perspectives and views are. Hard-hearted to remain persistent about the decision I made boldly, this is a much-cherished chance to be able to be detached and re-define many things which I feel needs to be reconciled with reality. Will I be determined enough to stay firm and fulfill my CY? Take the time and use it wisely to know myself better inside out; Reflect and grow in the process. It would be hard not to sway in the face of temptation, and to learn from my mistakes. I hope I will not lose sight of what I set out to do.

LiVe, gRoW, bUt dUn lOsE yOurseLf

"Being in a relationship should be comfortable. Compulsion only
brings about misery. Why not opt out of it then?"

Do everything that you ever want to do. Live life to the fullest, and dun have any regrets. Everyone says that, but in the midst of exploring, it is so easy to lose track of oneself. Going with the flow, I now find myself losing track of reality. I reflected and realised that the distance between reality and what I want is now too huge to reconcile. I no longer know what it is exactly that I desired, be it freedom or commitment. Would i rather be loved, or forgo it for self-realization. Deep down, I know what I want, but will I be bold enough to make the decision, or just passive enough to go along with the flow and somehow pray that things would go the way that it should. Would it be SeLF before OthErs or oTheRs beFore sElf?

"We just have to face it, this time we're through,
Breaking up is never easy, i know but i have to go"

A tRiBuTe tO cHilDreN 's DaY

Gone were the days of innocence
Now came the days of havoc and wilfulness
Your innocence gone
Buried deep in the ground
Never to be found
Lost forever
In the tunnel of darkness
Impossible to look for
Just like a needle in hay
Still I won't give up
Looking and looking
Searching and searching
For just that little bit of innocence
That would bring back the old you
The innocent creature I once knew

Corn-fusion

I have never felt so depressed before. Dilemna sets in like a foreign object. We have been together, with happy times and more recently, the bad. What constitutes a relationship? I have really no idea. Makes me feel so confused. Won't it be great if someone has a set of requirements for which a relationship can be built upon? That way, I wun have to grapple with the issues i have now. Should I be happy that she compromises for me, gives in to me whenever we argue or when I am in a foul mood? Is it not healthy then for a relationship to be built this way? What do I exactly want? Love and commitment or freedom to do what I want. The grass is always greener on the other side. Yet, why am I hesitating to give this relationship up? Or why do I desire freedom when I am supposedly in bliss now? She treats me well, and gives me all I can ever want and more from a partner. Yet why am i not satisfied? Why do I always feel that there is something missing & that we are not meant to be. Why?