nightmare day

From the moment I woke up
Up to this present second,
I have been in tears
Each time I thought it was over,
Another wave arose to prove me wrong
The only respite I had
Was the cycling time.
SMU people was there,
and it felt horrible to have to put up a front
To pretend that everything was fine,
That nothing was bothering me;
when clearly my eyes still feel raw from last night
And all the painful thoughts just kept on playing in my mind


I knew I had to do something.
I did it.
Asked her to leave me alone;
To not talk to me
Basically cutting off all contact forms.
I know its a drastic move,
An extreme measure;
And our friendship is at stake
But other than that,
I know no other possible alternative
Safe enough to protect myself from the whole cycle
I am sick of getting affected
Tired of crying over her
I need my life back proper,
And somehow there is just no room for her.


I know this act of mine is childish;
Immature and not at all the best way
It was a gamble taken,
One that may not be well justified


But hey, spare a thought for me
Having to pretend that I am all fine
To consider all the other party's emotions,
Only to have to bottle up mine.


To cry in the wee hours of the night
Simply cuz everything is just too painful to bear
To deal with all the heartaches
Yet not being able to share
To cope with the overwhelming fears of everything
Coupled with the taste of loneliness


I am but only human,
And a woman at that
I need a shoulder, assurance
Not insecurities and fears
I need love, not hurt
You don't owe me love;
But at least please, don't hurt me


A gamble I have taken,
I only hope that it turns out right


And to friends of the both of us,
Please, let it not affect anything.