Hot babe..

Just watched Taxi while studying biz law,
The lady robber in there is real hot.
Simply irresistable type.
Woah..


Anyway decided not to post my skeletons le
Told those whom I felt were close to me
Shant post and let it be a weapon


Finally finish downloading the L word
1 episode and it takes one day.
Thank goodness I borrowed the rest to burn
Cant imagine downloading it all.


Cycling tml! :)

the past is back to haunt

the past always catches up with you
no matter how you fight it


I thought I had let it go
But it was back to haunt me


Yes, I was cheap
I was living many lies.
Lies even my closest friends have no idea of
Lies that will shock them.
Plenty of skeletons in my closet


People who read my blog,
Most of you mean something
Except for the few
Whom I have seen your true colours.


Those who mean something,
How would you all react if I will to come clean?
Coming clean would free from the past
But would I be strong enough
Able to deal with the consequences?


I wanna let go,
To come clean.
And I wanna tell you all the truth
Honesty I prize
And I want my friendships to be built on trust
On honesty


People who hurt me can just screw themselves
I am going to post my skeletons..
Watch for the next post

exam time!

i think its weird.
20 minutes to my Excel exam,
with lots of uncertainity about visual basic.
Not sure if I 'll do well,
And I'm blogging.


Watched the 1/2 of fate last night
On channel 8 @ 9pm.
Could relate to one character so well
In one of the scenes.


Indeed its hard to forget
When that person is so perfect to you
That you think no one can parallel her.
She is the one you think you loved the most
& that no one could ever match up to her.
It was so real..
tears rolled down my cheeks


In the show.. the character had a adult monkey to take care of her.
Will I?

RaciSm

Conclusion of the day: I think I am a racist.


To my friends who are Malays,
Fret Not.
I am NOT referring to you.
Everyone can go figure out who I am against.


My "experiences" with them
Left me feeling irritated & exasperated
So forceful and rude
Can't even finish my sentences,
Without her punctuating my sentences with
"Ya, that was what I was thinking"
Credit claiming? *bleaghs*


And when I ask questions,
"No no, I don't mean that."
When I comment,
"Orh.." she goes.


I am so mad I can't think clear.
So much for racial harmony
ANGRY!

bored

Am in school now. Finally managed to finish all the assignments that is required of me for the week. *phew*


Been a long 2 weeks. Had been coughing for a week and 4 days counting. Thought I ll never recover and have a good night sleep. Finally it seems to be subsiding. Can't wait for the day I can say adiyos to my medicine.


Valentine Day was fine.. my first vdae in 3 years that I celebrated being single. Sam came over with Mikko to give me something. Left me affected for a while but I bounced back. Conclusion? I think I'm finally letting go.


Moral of my experience: Don't lend people money. It may seem too money-minded of me to blast your name here, but guess what? I don't care. Jordan borrowed money from me and now that I want it back, she totally disappeared. Not replying my messages nor answering my calls. Read on her blog that she has a new girlfriend. So much for really being in love with me *rolls eyes*


dad's here to pick me for my next tuition. gotta go. so much for the luxury of blogging.Hee.. just remembered my only friend says my blog too chim..always in poetry form. Well, here is a prose one.. so no killing of ur brain cells :)

loVefools we aLl are..

All around me,
I see people feeling for one another.
Yet their love AIN reciprocated.
Giving all & more of themselves,
Just to make the other happy.
Is it worth it?


Foolishness it is, maybe.
But who am I to judge?
After all, I am guilty too.
Guilty of being a love-fool.


Cupid-oh cupid dear,
Shoot your arrow
Straight & clear
Make it mutual,
Don't hurt these ppl here.
I have paid my price,
DOn't maKe these frEns of mine,
Trod the paTh that I have madE.


Its too painfUl,
thiS exPerieNce I have
To wIsh uPon oThers.
ProTect tHem,
gIve them the HappinEss they deServe.


Cupid-oh cupid dear,
thIs i asK of You.
Give mY freNs loVe..
the One they deSire.
LeSt theY giVe in VaiN

Letting Go

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE


To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.


To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.


To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.


To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.


To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.


To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.


To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.


To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.


To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.


To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.


To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.


To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.


To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.


To let go is not to critize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what i dream I can be.


To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.


To let go is to fear less and love more.



Remember: The time to love is short


Author Unknown

loVinG iT!

LiFe is Good..
BeJewELLed is Addictive


No longer living each day,
Waiting to hear from her.
Life sMells sO much mOre of frEedoM.
Although OccasioNal tHoughts cRept In,
Yet I aM so muCh bEttEr foRe-arMed.


Busy with scHool, buSy with decisionS to maKe.
In need of sleep, in need of thee.
I leaRn tO survIve,
Alone


I still Like her..
buT i haVe nO moRe exPectatIons.
What iS to coMe 'll cOme,
Reality is aCcepTed wiTh peAce.


I diD it!

Letting Go

Been wanting to let go,
And I am finally doing so.
It took me so long,
A poem to realise what letting go means.


Sam, do you see this?


I am accepting reality that we are friends.
Nothing more, and I am not harbouring any more hope.
Am comfortable with this,
And should we drift apart, I do it with peace.
No regrets, no doubts this time.


I am at peace :)


Living life as I should,
Cherishing each day to the fullest.
No more tears for you I shed,
and should I be destined to turn straight,
I will do it.
Happiness & satisfaction are my desires,
and for them I ll strive.


Stronger & stronger I 'll be.
What'll come, 'll come

Shattered

My heart cries out
A strong front I put on
My stupidity from then till now
All in vain as it came to naught


You told me to give you time.
Time I gave you freely,
Never asked for anything in return.
Now that she is coming back,
What next?
For me to wait in futile,
While you be with her?
Or to give up,
so as to protect myself


Protecting myself,
Something I have always done
Yet this time round,
Could never be determined enough to.
To do it & stick to it for always.
And seek the peace I desperately need.
The peace of not having you,
And the comfort that comes from accepting it.


I have to accept it,
and to face it.
The sooner I do,
the better it is.
A drinking partner I need,
Yet none in sight.
With no time to spare,
Nor a person to confide in.
What have I gotten myself into?


Fate dealt me you,
And you dealt me hard blows.
My heart is torn to bits
In anguish my muffled cries
I long to sob,
but the lump in my throat is held.

Release all these torment from within,
Please.

A woman is what I am

Woman of desires,
I do not know what I want
Uncertain if I made the right decision
of waiting for the one I cry for
Or should I turn my head away,
And run elsewhere.


Woman of needs,
Non-devoid of emotions.
I have my times of insecurity,
Hungry for assurance and the human touch.


Woman of questions,
Do you really mean the words you say?
Or are you just saying them to console me
To prevent me from getting hurt?


Woman of no patience,
Yet I am willing to wait.
Irony this is,
but what does it say?
It ain in your face,
But yes, I feel for you
More than what I dare admit.

Foolishness!

My foolishness I lament.
For as I cherish what I have with you,
There you are appreciating someone else.


My foolishness I lament.
The pain you cause me,
The hurt I feel for what you did,
I can never fault you.
For all are entitled to their right of freedom.


I once pledge to move on.
I tried & yet it is just a futile struggle.
Cant seem to get you out for good.
Detest my weak will
My foolishness I lament.


When can I leave all this behind?
Leave it behind for good.
Stop hurting myself
And move on for good.

learNing tO stAnd

You're the past
Which I'm trying to get over
In the awakening hours,
I guard myself with a fervor
Determined not to expose me to hurt again.


Yet its in my dreams
Where I am the most vulnerable,
That you enter...
Waking up to find that I get affected
Continual mulling over what was dreamt,
Wondered why they happened as they did
Struggle to keep my resolve
Determined not to expose me to hurt again.


I wanna learn to stand
To be strong again

Singaporeans

-The UGLY Singaporean-

Those who make use of the disaster to get rid of their unwanted items!

--> Donated swimming trunks/ bikinis/ carpets/ used underwear to the victims


--> Threw a fuss & threatened to call the police/ not donate money when items are not accepted


--> Became agitated when their calls are not returned immediately


We should seriously reflect, and count our blessings. Indeed we are blessed enough to be in a position of giving, should we then give out of what we have, or is it just good enough to dump our leftovers. Place yourselves in the shoes of the receivers

-The GOONDU Singaporean-

Those who call the hotline &:


--> Commented that the hotline is really hot.. and that they cannot get through easily


--> gave us their location & actually asked where their nearest post office is (I am not a walking street directory)


--> Asked us where Taufik Batisah is performing (Its a hotline for the disaster.. not SG Idol)



We should really think before we speak, and refrain from making a fool of ourselves. No doubt you provided entertainment from the mundane enquiry phone calls, but reality check. This line is ultimately a disaster hotline, not a answer ALL questions line. For that, try 100.

ProgRession

I drank... cried bitterly.. and thought about the times we had.
Not necessarily in that order,
But I did all.


Deleted all your messages.
Am moving on for real this time now.
Never had you,
And never ll have.
That's the reality I have to face.


Am going to shut the door now for good..
Will never let it open.


Will never allow myself to get hurt over you again.

Crying for You

I sit here every night,
Looking at the stars above.
Those bright & gentle reminders,
Of the past paradise.


I sit here every night
Looking around my quiet room.
Seeing so many things,
Which serve to remind me of you.


I am thinking of you.
Wishing that I can catch a glimpse,
Of what we used to have..


I'm yearning for you.
There were so many roads to choose,
but you chose this.


Oh why this?
I'm still crying for you.


Oh why this?
I'm still...


Crying for you.


-The Choice'99-

Pain

You could probably plunge a knife into me right now, & it would hurt less than how I feel emotionally now.

That sounds corny, and one might just argue that since I don't know how painful a knife wound is, how could I possibly compare?

Fact : I 'm hurting so much inside, more than that which I would admit to anyone. Simply having no idea how to deal with it, nor how much more I could keep it in. Never wanted so much to find an outlet to numb the burden, to feel no more. Yet having nowhere else to run to, I could only stay & learn to be strong.


Day by Day, you linger on at the outskirts of my mind
Like a shadow lurking around,
Never to be out of sight.
Moments of laughter & happiness,
Marred by your presence
When will my joy be untainted?
And when will I be whole again?

Uncertainty is all you can give

Just some thoughts I had at work while waiting for the phone to ring:


Came here to take my mind off things,
Ended up with nothing but my thoughts instead to occupy me.


Nasty dominos I have set up unwittingly,
Wonder what 'll happen if one falls.
Unknowingly, I have set myself & others up for pain.
What's horrible is not the pain of waiting,
but the pain of uncertainty, & of not knowing how you truly feel for me.


Unable to derive answers,
I caused others to be held back.
I just hope they ain foolish enough,
that they will move on somehow.


Never felt so lost before, & I have never
Wanted so much for feelings to be a clear cut issue.


You leave me at a loss,
A loss for words, actions & for how
to carry on.
Yet, it is by no fault of yours,
that I'm feeling what I am now.
I knew what I was getting into,
the moment I chose to recognise what I felt for you.


I have no regrets,
Just wished that it was more clear
that I know what I should do

Thoughts In Genting

Wanted to post this when I thought of it, but there was no computer access so transfered it from paper only now.


-09122004-


What does it mean if each time I see some other thing,
I think of you?


What does it mean if my instinct to self protect fails me,
when it comes to liking you?
That I willingly chose to still feel for you,
knowing that it brings me nothing but hurt.


Is this what they call love?
Or is it foolishness instead?


I just can't get you out of my mind,
no matter how far I go.


-befuddled-

EmotiOnS amOk

Am so tired. Kinda wish I could be devoid of emotions, that way I would not have to feel what I am experiencing now - indecisiveness, guilt and pain.


Indecisive about the decision I made. Wanting to move on but the emotional side of me is resisting it with all its might. "What ifs" keep popping up in my heart. Emotional vs Rational. Never knew I was capable of such internal struggle.


Guilt because of the people whom are waiting for me. Just because I am indecisive, it holds everyone back, giving people hope. Am so sorry to have mislead you in any way. Know that no matter what happens in future, it is still ultimately best for me to ask you to go. Perhaps that ain the smartest way, but its the best way to reduce hurt to the minimal.


Guess for pain, I do not need to elaborate. Have no wish to either. After all, pain is best experienced alone. There is no need to share.