Lately, I am becoming very cynical
Not being able to trust anyone
Wondering the reasons behind their masks
Wondering why they cannot be honest with me
Will there be no one
No one at all whom can be open
Why must we hide?
Fear of judgement?
I just like you to be who you are.
Truth hurts,
But hey, realising that you ain true
Is worse.
Friendships gone, Bonds ruined
Fault no one but yourself
what remains is just civility between us
Trusting you no more
My walls are up
Seriously comtemplating being celibate always
Monday, March 21, 2005
Female v males
Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male |
Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! |
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Settling Down
Supposed to start revision last week
Managed to start
Though am way behind plan
I ought to wake up
Stop thinking of play
Stop dreaming
Need the grades badly
To achieve what I want
My love life taken a backseat
The least I can do
Is to succeed in my studies
Time to pull up my socks..
Be a professional mugger for the next 3 weeks
=p
But before I go,
I must write this down before I forget
Huang Cheng was good yesterday.
Loved the first play the most
Portrayed love as a see-saw,
Delicately Balanced.
How many of us did things we regret,
But its too late to turn back the clock?
Insightful & reflective piece,
Ingenious use of lighting & props.
Loving theater as always
Managed to start
Though am way behind plan
I ought to wake up
Stop thinking of play
Stop dreaming
Need the grades badly
To achieve what I want
My love life taken a backseat
The least I can do
Is to succeed in my studies
Time to pull up my socks..
Be a professional mugger for the next 3 weeks
=p
But before I go,
I must write this down before I forget
Huang Cheng was good yesterday.
Loved the first play the most
Portrayed love as a see-saw,
Delicately Balanced.
How many of us did things we regret,
But its too late to turn back the clock?
Insightful & reflective piece,
Ingenious use of lighting & props.
Loving theater as always
Monday, March 14, 2005
Goal Seek
Alrights, alrights.
Its officially 4 weeks to the exams.
I am swearing off my blog
Unless there is a urgent need
To spill out my brains;
Make space for knowledge:
Information on Business Law,
Management accounting & Analytical Skills.
So hopefully
I dont prove the link right,
that stress causes senileness
Forbid that to happen ya?
Goal setting time!
May I make the mark.
People who wanna study,
You guys can come look for me
Having fun-ners?
I may consider :P
Its still hard to instill self-discipline
Somehow~
Its officially 4 weeks to the exams.
I am swearing off my blog
Unless there is a urgent need
To spill out my brains;
Make space for knowledge:
Information on Business Law,
Management accounting & Analytical Skills.
So hopefully
I dont prove the link right,
that stress causes senileness
Forbid that to happen ya?
Goal setting time!
May I make the mark.
People who wanna study,
You guys can come look for me
Having fun-ners?
I may consider :P
Its still hard to instill self-discipline
Somehow~
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Rgs.. beautiful memories..
Went back to RGS yesterday.
My alma mater.
Feels weird to refer to it that way,
'Cuz it still feels like home
Even after 4 years of leaving it.
Walked down memory lane,
Literally.
Every corner of the school,
New and Old
Remembering the old days
When we were just students there
Sleeping over during camps,
Doing drills in the quadrangle.
Taking photos everywhere,
And not forgetting, the canteen food
Couldnt help being nostalgic
The past 4 years have been tough
Subjected to reality, life's tumbles.
RGS is like a sanctuary always.
Looking at my juniors,
Some 7 years removed from me
Seeing them go through the process
Of what i had experienced.
A wistful feeling inside me.
Filiae Melioris Aevi:
Daughters of a better age
My alma mater.
Feels weird to refer to it that way,
'Cuz it still feels like home
Even after 4 years of leaving it.
Walked down memory lane,
Literally.
Every corner of the school,
New and Old
Remembering the old days
When we were just students there
Sleeping over during camps,
Doing drills in the quadrangle.
Taking photos everywhere,
And not forgetting, the canteen food
Couldnt help being nostalgic
The past 4 years have been tough
Subjected to reality, life's tumbles.
RGS is like a sanctuary always.
Looking at my juniors,
Some 7 years removed from me
Seeing them go through the process
Of what i had experienced.
A wistful feeling inside me.
Filiae Melioris Aevi:
Daughters of a better age
Friday, March 11, 2005
selfish time
Did well for my test,
but guess its a high price to pay:
The expectations from everyone
that the next test ll be equally well or better.
Sometimes i dunno why I work so hard.
To fulfill my own expectations
or to live up to others'
One thing is for sure,
Their standards is sure suffocating
Am so sick of being responsible
That everything I do,
I worry about how others ll react.
Am going to live free for once.
Do as I please,
Selfish, but liberating.
but guess its a high price to pay:
The expectations from everyone
that the next test ll be equally well or better.
Sometimes i dunno why I work so hard.
To fulfill my own expectations
or to live up to others'
One thing is for sure,
Their standards is sure suffocating
Am so sick of being responsible
That everything I do,
I worry about how others ll react.
Am going to live free for once.
Do as I please,
Selfish, but liberating.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
daily update
Learning Excel now.
Boy m I not excelling at visual basic
It ain basic at all.
But I ll be glad to teach any,
if I get the hang of it.
Mid of March now,
Let's see if someone's words are true,
Or will she eat the dust, as expected.
But I have learnt to count my blessings
Apparently she borrowed hundreds from others
With the usual promise to return,
But only return to borrow more.
Yepz.. no names mentioned but its
You-know-who
Not voldemont la
Am really crappy.
Guess its all the lack of sleep,
and the need to start exam revision.
Fellow Muggers, anyone?
Boy m I not excelling at visual basic
It ain basic at all.
But I ll be glad to teach any,
if I get the hang of it.
Mid of March now,
Let's see if someone's words are true,
Or will she eat the dust, as expected.
But I have learnt to count my blessings
Apparently she borrowed hundreds from others
With the usual promise to return,
But only return to borrow more.
Yepz.. no names mentioned but its
You-know-who
Not voldemont la
Am really crappy.
Guess its all the lack of sleep,
and the need to start exam revision.
Fellow Muggers, anyone?
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
at peace
Full acceptance with composure
Realised with certainity
There is no chance of us
Not even to keep the level of friendship before
Its just a simple truth.
We drifted apart
Much as we try,
things are different.
We should just let nature takes it course
No need to bemoan the loss of what cant be regained
What ll be ll be.
No longer bitter
Am at peace
The struggle has finally given up its ghost.
Realised with certainity
There is no chance of us
Not even to keep the level of friendship before
Its just a simple truth.
We drifted apart
Much as we try,
things are different.
We should just let nature takes it course
No need to bemoan the loss of what cant be regained
What ll be ll be.
No longer bitter
Am at peace
The struggle has finally given up its ghost.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Friday, March 04, 2005
Writing a Book!
haha..its Friday =]
Feeling better after the test
Yet am starting to cough.
Am in the library
Supposed to study,
But doing everything except that.
Library has lots of eye candy,
Surprisingly~
Considering the typical stereotypes of bungs.
A brainwave came to me last night
For those uninformed,
I am still on my CY
kinda lost sight of it
But I am back on track
*Yeps* =]
Am attempting to record it all down
Publish into a book,
Or just edit as a report
For future reference
Or as a guide to others.
Anyone interested? :P
Feeling better after the test
Yet am starting to cough.
Am in the library
Supposed to study,
But doing everything except that.
Library has lots of eye candy,
Surprisingly~
Considering the typical stereotypes of bungs.
A brainwave came to me last night
For those uninformed,
I am still on my CY
kinda lost sight of it
But I am back on track
*Yeps* =]
Am attempting to record it all down
Publish into a book,
Or just edit as a report
For future reference
Or as a guide to others.
Anyone interested? :P
Thursday, March 03, 2005
a nightmare
Was debating if I should post this on
Struggled and finally decided to do so.
Am sick again.
Cut class for the first time
But decide to make up by attending tomorrow's
Had a bad night's sleep
Dreamt that she proposed to another
The gal even had a name
"Rand Lee" =]
Her name in the dream was also different.
It was vivid,
Her running to Rand with flowers,
And a lock in hand
I remember running away
Uttering "No" in denial
Then I lost it,
Called her over the phone,
Asked her about it.
She explained to me
That she feel for me still
That she saw how real I felt for her then
The tears I shed woke me up.
It was but a dream,
Yet I could not help but wonder
What if it was reality?
Would I flip like I did in the dream?
Nah.
I would emulate my only friend
Silently suffer and be strong
Struggled and finally decided to do so.
Am sick again.
Cut class for the first time
But decide to make up by attending tomorrow's
Had a bad night's sleep
Dreamt that she proposed to another
The gal even had a name
"Rand Lee" =]
Her name in the dream was also different.
It was vivid,
Her running to Rand with flowers,
And a lock in hand
I remember running away
Uttering "No" in denial
Then I lost it,
Called her over the phone,
Asked her about it.
She explained to me
That she feel for me still
That she saw how real I felt for her then
The tears I shed woke me up.
It was but a dream,
Yet I could not help but wonder
What if it was reality?
Would I flip like I did in the dream?
Nah.
I would emulate my only friend
Silently suffer and be strong
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Short & sweet
haha.. been blogging more often now than ever.
Taking a break from my work la.
Am sick again!!!
Can someone kindly invent a nose-unblocker?
In the library,
Trying to be quiet
But my nose is a nuisance.
Cannot have smooth flow of air.
Argh~
Shopping tomorrow evening..
but got test on Friday :[
Taking a break from my work la.
Am sick again!!!
Can someone kindly invent a nose-unblocker?
In the library,
Trying to be quiet
But my nose is a nuisance.
Cannot have smooth flow of air.
Argh~
Shopping tomorrow evening..
but got test on Friday :[
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Still thinking of you
Last day teaching my nightmare,
Am so thankful for the free time now I have.
Hopefully I can catch up with my work,
Do well for my exams,
Land a scholarship perhaps
And lessen my $$ troubles.
Arranged for mugger sessions,
Pray they ll force me to work
Enable me to reach my full utility point.
Wonder if I am doing all this,
For what it seems to be,
Or to suppress something else.
I hope its the former.
Just some thoughts which I had yesterday
Which I haven post.
Here goes :
Listening to my Mamma Mia Cd
it was with you that I watched the play.
enjoyed it lots
That day gave me lots of good memories
Thoughts I ll cherish always.
Is it really impossible to forget you?
Or else how long will I take?
Everywhere I go, that we have gone before
You ll pop up
Relive-ing the times we had as close friends
Every single detail, smile and laughter
I guess we ll never have those moments again
Funny how i remember all these
How special and precious they are
Thanks for teaching me to value these simple things.
I miss you.
I think I have let go,
Forgetten not though.
Its true,
Time does wonders
I pray.
Am so thankful for the free time now I have.
Hopefully I can catch up with my work,
Do well for my exams,
Land a scholarship perhaps
And lessen my $$ troubles.
Arranged for mugger sessions,
Pray they ll force me to work
Enable me to reach my full utility point.
Wonder if I am doing all this,
For what it seems to be,
Or to suppress something else.
I hope its the former.
Just some thoughts which I had yesterday
Which I haven post.
Here goes :
Listening to my Mamma Mia Cd
it was with you that I watched the play.
enjoyed it lots
That day gave me lots of good memories
Thoughts I ll cherish always.
Is it really impossible to forget you?
Or else how long will I take?
Everywhere I go, that we have gone before
You ll pop up
Relive-ing the times we had as close friends
Every single detail, smile and laughter
I guess we ll never have those moments again
Funny how i remember all these
How special and precious they are
Thanks for teaching me to value these simple things.
I miss you.
I think I have let go,
Forgetten not though.
Its true,
Time does wonders
I pray.
Monday, February 28, 2005
pest student.
Someone commented that I should be nice
Hence I should not refer to my student
as a pest.
*Ahem* you know who you are :)
Lemme paint u the picture.
If a student says she ll call
When she wants tuition,
and she doesn't call,
rational behaviour is ...
Then she turns up at your door,
Like a bad egg.
Just when famished me is about to tuck in.
*yups* exactly that happened.
and imagine,
having revised her work means
reading through.
No need to understand or memorise,
just reading will do. :)
Boy' am i glad tml is her last day!
Hence I should not refer to my student
as a pest.
*Ahem* you know who you are :)
Lemme paint u the picture.
If a student says she ll call
When she wants tuition,
and she doesn't call,
rational behaviour is ...
Then she turns up at your door,
Like a bad egg.
Just when famished me is about to tuck in.
*yups* exactly that happened.
and imagine,
having revised her work means
reading through.
No need to understand or memorise,
just reading will do. :)
Boy' am i glad tml is her last day!
Hanging in Here..
Saw this on someone's Fridae account
That one of the most painful things in life
is to insist that You have already let go,
when actually you still love that person.
I wonder if that is true for me
Occasionally still thinking about her,
Yet learning to stand alone,
And live independently.
Its not easy.
Life is just getting through the hours,
the days and months
Till you breathe your last
Sleep is when the reflief comes
The ability to just ignore life's reality
Let my pest student go.
*Finally!*
Though its a huge loss of income,
I guess it was worth it for sanity.
More time now to breathe
More time for revision and leisure (I hope)
Lady Salsa was good,
I wanna learn to dance.
To realize that dream.
That one of the most painful things in life
is to insist that You have already let go,
when actually you still love that person.
I wonder if that is true for me
Occasionally still thinking about her,
Yet learning to stand alone,
And live independently.
Its not easy.
Life is just getting through the hours,
the days and months
Till you breathe your last
Sleep is when the reflief comes
The ability to just ignore life's reality
Let my pest student go.
*Finally!*
Though its a huge loss of income,
I guess it was worth it for sanity.
More time now to breathe
More time for revision and leisure (I hope)
Lady Salsa was good,
I wanna learn to dance.
To realize that dream.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Hot babe..
Just watched Taxi while studying biz law,
The lady robber in there is real hot.
Simply irresistable type.
Woah..
Anyway decided not to post my skeletons le
Told those whom I felt were close to me
Shant post and let it be a weapon
Finally finish downloading the L word
1 episode and it takes one day.
Thank goodness I borrowed the rest to burn
Cant imagine downloading it all.
Cycling tml! :)
The lady robber in there is real hot.
Simply irresistable type.
Woah..
Anyway decided not to post my skeletons le
Told those whom I felt were close to me
Shant post and let it be a weapon
Finally finish downloading the L word
1 episode and it takes one day.
Thank goodness I borrowed the rest to burn
Cant imagine downloading it all.
Cycling tml! :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
the past is back to haunt
the past always catches up with you
no matter how you fight it
I thought I had let it go
But it was back to haunt me
Yes, I was cheap
I was living many lies.
Lies even my closest friends have no idea of
Lies that will shock them.
Plenty of skeletons in my closet
People who read my blog,
Most of you mean something
Except for the few
Whom I have seen your true colours.
Those who mean something,
How would you all react if I will to come clean?
Coming clean would free from the past
But would I be strong enough
Able to deal with the consequences?
I wanna let go,
To come clean.
And I wanna tell you all the truth
Honesty I prize
And I want my friendships to be built on trust
On honesty
People who hurt me can just screw themselves
I am going to post my skeletons..
Watch for the next post
no matter how you fight it
I thought I had let it go
But it was back to haunt me
Yes, I was cheap
I was living many lies.
Lies even my closest friends have no idea of
Lies that will shock them.
Plenty of skeletons in my closet
People who read my blog,
Most of you mean something
Except for the few
Whom I have seen your true colours.
Those who mean something,
How would you all react if I will to come clean?
Coming clean would free from the past
But would I be strong enough
Able to deal with the consequences?
I wanna let go,
To come clean.
And I wanna tell you all the truth
Honesty I prize
And I want my friendships to be built on trust
On honesty
People who hurt me can just screw themselves
I am going to post my skeletons..
Watch for the next post
Saturday, February 19, 2005
exam time!
i think its weird.
20 minutes to my Excel exam,
with lots of uncertainity about visual basic.
Not sure if I 'll do well,
And I'm blogging.
Watched the 1/2 of fate last night
On channel 8 @ 9pm.
Could relate to one character so well
In one of the scenes.
Indeed its hard to forget
When that person is so perfect to you
That you think no one can parallel her.
She is the one you think you loved the most
& that no one could ever match up to her.
It was so real..
tears rolled down my cheeks
In the show.. the character had a adult monkey to take care of her.
Will I?
20 minutes to my Excel exam,
with lots of uncertainity about visual basic.
Not sure if I 'll do well,
And I'm blogging.
Watched the 1/2 of fate last night
On channel 8 @ 9pm.
Could relate to one character so well
In one of the scenes.
Indeed its hard to forget
When that person is so perfect to you
That you think no one can parallel her.
She is the one you think you loved the most
& that no one could ever match up to her.
It was so real..
tears rolled down my cheeks
In the show.. the character had a adult monkey to take care of her.
Will I?
Friday, February 18, 2005
RaciSm
Conclusion of the day: I think I am a racist.
To my friends who are Malays,
Fret Not.
I am NOT referring to you.
Everyone can go figure out who I am against.
My "experiences" with them
Left me feeling irritated & exasperated
So forceful and rude
Can't even finish my sentences,
Without her punctuating my sentences with
"Ya, that was what I was thinking"
Credit claiming? *bleaghs*
And when I ask questions,
"No no, I don't mean that."
When I comment,
"Orh.." she goes.
I am so mad I can't think clear.
So much for racial harmony
ANGRY!
To my friends who are Malays,
Fret Not.
I am NOT referring to you.
Everyone can go figure out who I am against.
My "experiences" with them
Left me feeling irritated & exasperated
So forceful and rude
Can't even finish my sentences,
Without her punctuating my sentences with
"Ya, that was what I was thinking"
Credit claiming? *bleaghs*
And when I ask questions,
"No no, I don't mean that."
When I comment,
"Orh.." she goes.
I am so mad I can't think clear.
So much for racial harmony
ANGRY!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
bored
Am in school now. Finally managed to finish all the assignments that is required of me for the week. *phew*
Been a long 2 weeks. Had been coughing for a week and 4 days counting. Thought I ll never recover and have a good night sleep. Finally it seems to be subsiding. Can't wait for the day I can say adiyos to my medicine.
Valentine Day was fine.. my first vdae in 3 years that I celebrated being single. Sam came over with Mikko to give me something. Left me affected for a while but I bounced back. Conclusion? I think I'm finally letting go.
Moral of my experience: Don't lend people money. It may seem too money-minded of me to blast your name here, but guess what? I don't care. Jordan borrowed money from me and now that I want it back, she totally disappeared. Not replying my messages nor answering my calls. Read on her blog that she has a new girlfriend. So much for really being in love with me *rolls eyes*
dad's here to pick me for my next tuition. gotta go. so much for the luxury of blogging.Hee.. just remembered my only friend says my blog too chim..always in poetry form. Well, here is a prose one.. so no killing of ur brain cells :)
Been a long 2 weeks. Had been coughing for a week and 4 days counting. Thought I ll never recover and have a good night sleep. Finally it seems to be subsiding. Can't wait for the day I can say adiyos to my medicine.
Valentine Day was fine.. my first vdae in 3 years that I celebrated being single. Sam came over with Mikko to give me something. Left me affected for a while but I bounced back. Conclusion? I think I'm finally letting go.
Moral of my experience: Don't lend people money. It may seem too money-minded of me to blast your name here, but guess what? I don't care. Jordan borrowed money from me and now that I want it back, she totally disappeared. Not replying my messages nor answering my calls. Read on her blog that she has a new girlfriend. So much for really being in love with me *rolls eyes*
dad's here to pick me for my next tuition. gotta go. so much for the luxury of blogging.Hee.. just remembered my only friend says my blog too chim..always in poetry form. Well, here is a prose one.. so no killing of ur brain cells :)
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