Letting Go

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE


To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.


To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.


To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.


To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.


To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.


To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.


To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.


To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.


To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.


To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.


To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.


To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.


To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.


To let go is not to critize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what i dream I can be.


To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.


To let go is to fear less and love more.



Remember: The time to love is short


Author Unknown

loVinG iT!

LiFe is Good..
BeJewELLed is Addictive


No longer living each day,
Waiting to hear from her.
Life sMells sO much mOre of frEedoM.
Although OccasioNal tHoughts cRept In,
Yet I aM so muCh bEttEr foRe-arMed.


Busy with scHool, buSy with decisionS to maKe.
In need of sleep, in need of thee.
I leaRn tO survIve,
Alone


I still Like her..
buT i haVe nO moRe exPectatIons.
What iS to coMe 'll cOme,
Reality is aCcepTed wiTh peAce.


I diD it!

Letting Go

Been wanting to let go,
And I am finally doing so.
It took me so long,
A poem to realise what letting go means.


Sam, do you see this?


I am accepting reality that we are friends.
Nothing more, and I am not harbouring any more hope.
Am comfortable with this,
And should we drift apart, I do it with peace.
No regrets, no doubts this time.


I am at peace :)


Living life as I should,
Cherishing each day to the fullest.
No more tears for you I shed,
and should I be destined to turn straight,
I will do it.
Happiness & satisfaction are my desires,
and for them I ll strive.


Stronger & stronger I 'll be.
What'll come, 'll come

Shattered

My heart cries out
A strong front I put on
My stupidity from then till now
All in vain as it came to naught


You told me to give you time.
Time I gave you freely,
Never asked for anything in return.
Now that she is coming back,
What next?
For me to wait in futile,
While you be with her?
Or to give up,
so as to protect myself


Protecting myself,
Something I have always done
Yet this time round,
Could never be determined enough to.
To do it & stick to it for always.
And seek the peace I desperately need.
The peace of not having you,
And the comfort that comes from accepting it.


I have to accept it,
and to face it.
The sooner I do,
the better it is.
A drinking partner I need,
Yet none in sight.
With no time to spare,
Nor a person to confide in.
What have I gotten myself into?


Fate dealt me you,
And you dealt me hard blows.
My heart is torn to bits
In anguish my muffled cries
I long to sob,
but the lump in my throat is held.

Release all these torment from within,
Please.

A woman is what I am

Woman of desires,
I do not know what I want
Uncertain if I made the right decision
of waiting for the one I cry for
Or should I turn my head away,
And run elsewhere.


Woman of needs,
Non-devoid of emotions.
I have my times of insecurity,
Hungry for assurance and the human touch.


Woman of questions,
Do you really mean the words you say?
Or are you just saying them to console me
To prevent me from getting hurt?


Woman of no patience,
Yet I am willing to wait.
Irony this is,
but what does it say?
It ain in your face,
But yes, I feel for you
More than what I dare admit.

Foolishness!

My foolishness I lament.
For as I cherish what I have with you,
There you are appreciating someone else.


My foolishness I lament.
The pain you cause me,
The hurt I feel for what you did,
I can never fault you.
For all are entitled to their right of freedom.


I once pledge to move on.
I tried & yet it is just a futile struggle.
Cant seem to get you out for good.
Detest my weak will
My foolishness I lament.


When can I leave all this behind?
Leave it behind for good.
Stop hurting myself
And move on for good.

learNing tO stAnd

You're the past
Which I'm trying to get over
In the awakening hours,
I guard myself with a fervor
Determined not to expose me to hurt again.


Yet its in my dreams
Where I am the most vulnerable,
That you enter...
Waking up to find that I get affected
Continual mulling over what was dreamt,
Wondered why they happened as they did
Struggle to keep my resolve
Determined not to expose me to hurt again.


I wanna learn to stand
To be strong again

Singaporeans

-The UGLY Singaporean-

Those who make use of the disaster to get rid of their unwanted items!

--> Donated swimming trunks/ bikinis/ carpets/ used underwear to the victims


--> Threw a fuss & threatened to call the police/ not donate money when items are not accepted


--> Became agitated when their calls are not returned immediately


We should seriously reflect, and count our blessings. Indeed we are blessed enough to be in a position of giving, should we then give out of what we have, or is it just good enough to dump our leftovers. Place yourselves in the shoes of the receivers

-The GOONDU Singaporean-

Those who call the hotline &:


--> Commented that the hotline is really hot.. and that they cannot get through easily


--> gave us their location & actually asked where their nearest post office is (I am not a walking street directory)


--> Asked us where Taufik Batisah is performing (Its a hotline for the disaster.. not SG Idol)



We should really think before we speak, and refrain from making a fool of ourselves. No doubt you provided entertainment from the mundane enquiry phone calls, but reality check. This line is ultimately a disaster hotline, not a answer ALL questions line. For that, try 100.

ProgRession

I drank... cried bitterly.. and thought about the times we had.
Not necessarily in that order,
But I did all.


Deleted all your messages.
Am moving on for real this time now.
Never had you,
And never ll have.
That's the reality I have to face.


Am going to shut the door now for good..
Will never let it open.


Will never allow myself to get hurt over you again.

Crying for You

I sit here every night,
Looking at the stars above.
Those bright & gentle reminders,
Of the past paradise.


I sit here every night
Looking around my quiet room.
Seeing so many things,
Which serve to remind me of you.


I am thinking of you.
Wishing that I can catch a glimpse,
Of what we used to have..


I'm yearning for you.
There were so many roads to choose,
but you chose this.


Oh why this?
I'm still crying for you.


Oh why this?
I'm still...


Crying for you.


-The Choice'99-

Pain

You could probably plunge a knife into me right now, & it would hurt less than how I feel emotionally now.

That sounds corny, and one might just argue that since I don't know how painful a knife wound is, how could I possibly compare?

Fact : I 'm hurting so much inside, more than that which I would admit to anyone. Simply having no idea how to deal with it, nor how much more I could keep it in. Never wanted so much to find an outlet to numb the burden, to feel no more. Yet having nowhere else to run to, I could only stay & learn to be strong.


Day by Day, you linger on at the outskirts of my mind
Like a shadow lurking around,
Never to be out of sight.
Moments of laughter & happiness,
Marred by your presence
When will my joy be untainted?
And when will I be whole again?

Uncertainty is all you can give

Just some thoughts I had at work while waiting for the phone to ring:


Came here to take my mind off things,
Ended up with nothing but my thoughts instead to occupy me.


Nasty dominos I have set up unwittingly,
Wonder what 'll happen if one falls.
Unknowingly, I have set myself & others up for pain.
What's horrible is not the pain of waiting,
but the pain of uncertainty, & of not knowing how you truly feel for me.


Unable to derive answers,
I caused others to be held back.
I just hope they ain foolish enough,
that they will move on somehow.


Never felt so lost before, & I have never
Wanted so much for feelings to be a clear cut issue.


You leave me at a loss,
A loss for words, actions & for how
to carry on.
Yet, it is by no fault of yours,
that I'm feeling what I am now.
I knew what I was getting into,
the moment I chose to recognise what I felt for you.


I have no regrets,
Just wished that it was more clear
that I know what I should do

Thoughts In Genting

Wanted to post this when I thought of it, but there was no computer access so transfered it from paper only now.


-09122004-


What does it mean if each time I see some other thing,
I think of you?


What does it mean if my instinct to self protect fails me,
when it comes to liking you?
That I willingly chose to still feel for you,
knowing that it brings me nothing but hurt.


Is this what they call love?
Or is it foolishness instead?


I just can't get you out of my mind,
no matter how far I go.


-befuddled-

EmotiOnS amOk

Am so tired. Kinda wish I could be devoid of emotions, that way I would not have to feel what I am experiencing now - indecisiveness, guilt and pain.


Indecisive about the decision I made. Wanting to move on but the emotional side of me is resisting it with all its might. "What ifs" keep popping up in my heart. Emotional vs Rational. Never knew I was capable of such internal struggle.


Guilt because of the people whom are waiting for me. Just because I am indecisive, it holds everyone back, giving people hope. Am so sorry to have mislead you in any way. Know that no matter what happens in future, it is still ultimately best for me to ask you to go. Perhaps that ain the smartest way, but its the best way to reduce hurt to the minimal.


Guess for pain, I do not need to elaborate. Have no wish to either. After all, pain is best experienced alone. There is no need to share.

Moving On

I was who I was, I am who I am, I''ll be who I'll be

With this, I am moving on. All the conflicts that I had faced within myself throughout the reflection process so far, they are now all laid to rest. The process of accepting my past was not easy, but with the support of many loved ones, it was eventually possible. Tears were shed, internal struggles were rife, but the end is now finally in sight. Its only at times like this that one ll come to appreciate the support network one has, and can see clearly who are the friends who truly can "connect" and be there. I am now ready to move on, knowing in me what I want.

Told the people that needed to know what I felt inside. Tied up all the loose ends that I have to, including those that I was hesitant to do. Now I am ready to move on. Kinda anticipating what the future will hold, though not exactly knowing what it entails. Well, all I have to do now is to stay strong, stick to what I believe & have decided, and the rest will fall in place.

Yet, the learning journey ain over. It is a continuous process.. Its just that this part of it is completed.. and I am beginning a new one.

What Can I Say

As the days go by, I never fail to amaze myself with what I am doing. Never did I know that I have the strength in me to carry on doing what I have to do outwardly, despite carrying all those emotional excesses inside me. I can even segregate the former from the latter, and carry on professionally, concealing perfectly what has to remain hidden. Perhaps 'cos what is felt is hard to be verbalised, it makes the whole process of masking it all much easier. Or maybe, it is really true that one does not know where one's limits are until pushed.

Irregardless of all, what matters most is that I got to know myself better, strength & weakness. Everything may seem bleak now but it will pass one day. What I really wonder is when? Or rather, where exactly is my limit or breaking point.. Would I approach it soon? Somehow, all these words just feel like they fail to convey how I feel, but well,


:) Life will be fine, somehow! :)

LoVe

Something I read somewhere, which I thought was somewhat meaningful :)


To love is to share life together
to build special plans just for two
To work side by side
and then smile with pride
As one by one, dreams all come true.


To love is to help and encourage
with smiles and sincere words of praise
To take time to share
to listen and care
In tender, affectionate ways.


To love is to have someone special
one who you can always depend
To be there through the years
sharing laughter and tears
As a partner, a lover, a friend.


To love is to make special memories
of moments you love to recall
Of all the good things
that sharing life brings


Love is the greatest of all

Expectations, Emotions & Enigma

Got back the grade for one of my modules this term. Did as expected, but kinda disappointed that I din do even better. Worse, my friends's expectations of me made it even harder to accept what I got.


I tried so hard to hide this disappointment inside me, putting up a strong front for all to see. Yet somehow, my friends could detect it, even ask me about it. Made me wonder if it was them being too perceptive, or was it that I did not do a good job of concealing my feelings. Emotionally tired out


Am so tired of revising, yet am so afraid to slack. What if my leisure cost me my grade? What if the time I use to slack will to turn up something I don't know should I do revision instead? Uncertainty shrouds me like a heavy curtain. Feel so tired and insecure. Wish I had someone to turn to for encouragement, and assurance. Yet, do I want that someone because of love, or is it just plain selfishness? Issues, issues & issues beyond me. Now, I have to just learn to be strong and survive alone. I made this choice, and I have to live with it.

One Nite Stand

I'm thking if u wana hv one nite stand wif me?

Today, I have been prepositioned by a long-time-ago acquaintance with the above. It brought back much memories of the discussion I had with my pal. At that time, we both agreed that one night stands are a ideal form of relationships with no commitments, so much so that it is even better than an open relationship. Yet now I want to differ. With me understanding what love is again, I now realise that one night stands are only possible if one is single, and does not feel any special feelings towards any particular person. Otherwise, no matter how lonely one may feel, it is still impossible to bring oneself to just have that intimate physical contact with someone else other than the one that you feel for. Doing it is simply tantamount to a betrayal of your own feelings towards that special somebody.


And for the slower ones out there wondering if I took up the offer... of cos I DIDN'T

zE AwAkeNing

Felt like I had just woken up from a dream.


Suddenly realised again that love is about being able to sacrifice for the other person, and not about expecting the other to sacrifice for me. With this, I realised that many of my relationships had been had in vain, that I was too caught up with being pampered that I forgot about sacrificing. Give, I did, but I never sacrifice. Love is about sacrifice, about forgoing stuff, even life itself perhaps. Sadly, I never felt this for my previous partners. With this realization, I feel as though a burden has been added onto me.


Realizing my mistakes is one thing. Being able to walk away from them stronger is another. Already, people are looking and judging on my love life. "Flirt! Flippant about relationships!" they say. I dun blame them. I made mistakes and I accept it. What I am unsure about is whether I can fight the fear: Fear of stigma, and the disbelief that I will be serious about my next relationship. How about my next partner? Can she accept my past, and have the faith in me, that I am serious about her? I know what my mistake is and I have learnt not to let it happen again. But, will I have the chance to love again, and show that I am serious this time round, that I know how to love once more.

Will you give me a chance?