Shifted.

Moving on
Last week was a pivotal point
I saw the true colours of reality
And grew up more than I wished


This blog started off
Reflection being its aim
I had enough reflection
Its time to move on


Need to reconcile now
What I learnt from reflection
And what is to come
For that I move on


Bid this chapter goodbye

announcement

Dear all who read this blog,
Please be informed that with effect from
The date that I get my act together
This blog will either be shifted
Or given a password


A blog to me shares my inner most thoughts
And lately, I feel its becoming harder to do so.
Because of the people who read the blog,
And the drifting apart of me & "u"
I now find the need to practise self-censorship
Which in short, is shortchanging myself
Of the honesty that I so prized


So in short,
expect what is coming ur way.
Just tying some loose ends.


Regards,
Cyn

confused

Managed to get a job
Mixed feelings about it.
At the very least,
it provides a source of income
and less time on unneccessary thoughts.


Heard this interesting quote today:

Integrity is doing what you like best

Well then I must be in lack of much;
Alot of things I do
Not cuz I like them best,
but rather cuz its what suits everyone best
Or cuz I see them as a need.


Realised that I am a person
who must tie up loose ends
Before moving on.
If I said I like you..
and then I move on,
While we are on good terms,
I think I ll inform you
That i did fall for someone else.
Kinda so that you wun feel surprised
Nor "betrayed" at finding out yourself
That I had a change of heart


*muses..*
is this the average person's reaction,
Even though we are not accountable?
After all, we did claim to "wait" for the person.
Ain it fair/polite to just inform?
Anyone wants to responds?


Guess am pretty ramble-ly today
Separators in my teeth
Making them ache-y
Me ready for liquid diet le
*dull ache


Realise I am not very apt
In talking in circles
I shall try harder next time


Gee.. this is my lousiest post as yet. So incoherent!

nightmare day

From the moment I woke up
Up to this present second,
I have been in tears
Each time I thought it was over,
Another wave arose to prove me wrong
The only respite I had
Was the cycling time.
SMU people was there,
and it felt horrible to have to put up a front
To pretend that everything was fine,
That nothing was bothering me;
when clearly my eyes still feel raw from last night
And all the painful thoughts just kept on playing in my mind


I knew I had to do something.
I did it.
Asked her to leave me alone;
To not talk to me
Basically cutting off all contact forms.
I know its a drastic move,
An extreme measure;
And our friendship is at stake
But other than that,
I know no other possible alternative
Safe enough to protect myself from the whole cycle
I am sick of getting affected
Tired of crying over her
I need my life back proper,
And somehow there is just no room for her.


I know this act of mine is childish;
Immature and not at all the best way
It was a gamble taken,
One that may not be well justified


But hey, spare a thought for me
Having to pretend that I am all fine
To consider all the other party's emotions,
Only to have to bottle up mine.


To cry in the wee hours of the night
Simply cuz everything is just too painful to bear
To deal with all the heartaches
Yet not being able to share
To cope with the overwhelming fears of everything
Coupled with the taste of loneliness


I am but only human,
And a woman at that
I need a shoulder, assurance
Not insecurities and fears
I need love, not hurt
You don't owe me love;
But at least please, don't hurt me


A gamble I have taken,
I only hope that it turns out right


And to friends of the both of us,
Please, let it not affect anything.

honesty

Talking helps to put things into perspectives
Realised why I was so upset


Part of the reason being
I prize honesty over everything
Yet the irony is
I cannot be totally honest to that someone


Hate it when I have to fake emotions
Pretend to be fine,
To be gracious and flippant;
Pretend not to care and say
"No big deal, its fine =]"


When actually it does matter
Especially when your actions seem just to assuage your guilt,
And you dun seem to really mean what you say
At least, thats the way I view it;
Then all I want to say is
"Spare me, You live your life, and I live mine. Don't act apologetic when its your choice to do so"
Yet I lie and pretend that all is fine,
sparing you a hard time


The truth will hurt;
And I guess all ll be amazed
By how honesty ll make me seem so mean
Take your pick, which cyn will u prefer?
The honest but mean one,
Or the nice but untruthful one?


*gives a new spin to the word "tactful"

FigHter sPiRit

Finished cleaning up,
Felt empowered as I threw away
Flowers from my ex
Tickets stubs from special times
With someone whom I felt for,
But never developed with.
I thought I really succeeded
Managed to let go.


Then I was put to the test
She msn-ed me to apologise
Said she was going to be away
At the time of my birthday.
Was going to visit her someone special
Tears brimmed
I din like the results of the test;
I din manage to let go completely.


Din expect her to remember,
Daren't wish for anything
I rather she forgot
And made no mention with it
That way, I wun have any hope
But yet now even with no hope,
there was disappointment


It was at the moment,
I had to make a choice.
To cry and run away,
Or to face up to what hurts


I chose the latter
Against my own comfort,
I asked about her stuff.
It got painful,
then the pain subsided


It was that moment that I got enlightenment
Its always better to face your fears
Squarely in the eye & confront them
Than to pretend they are not there.


So for all the times I thought I let go,
Maybe its true that I just hid them
Thinking that if I did so,
It will go away somehow


Now I know better,
Perhaps I haven succeeded
Perhaps I still feel something for her
I think I do;
But it doesn't matter
It takes time and a conscious effort
To let go,
To embrace pain as a strengthening drug
To face adversity in tears and not shrivel


I have no answers to the endless tirade of questions
All I have is my fighting spirit
A flicker of flame
& all my willpower not to let it extinguish
Perhaps one day it will burn strong;
I'll be hurt no more
Able to talk to her normally
Able to live independent of her effects

stress stress stress

Dunno where to start from;
This week just got off with a bad start.
Mother actually confronted me yesterday
"Are you in that kind of relationship?"
By which, she was asking if I am a lesbian


It took all of my control nerves
to calmly disclaim
"I am single now"
It hurt that she was my mother,
And I could not be totally honest


Granted, I told a truth
But its only a half truth
As we learn in law,
silence that constitutes a half truth
makes the whole statement a misrepresentation
*consumed by guilt


Whats worse is that her stand broke
Upon my sister's persistent questioning,
and her final conclusion was:
"I have spent so much $$ on you, the last thing I want is for you 2 to be in that kind of relationship."
Upon hearing that,
my heart sank.
I felt like an investment plan to her
A retirement plan.


I dun deny that I ll take care of her old days
But hell, what has that got to do with my sexuality?
Does being a les mean I cannot take care of her?
Why must I choose between family and me;
How I wish that both can co-exist in peace & honesty
Alienating myself from the family is painful,
But i guess thats the price to pay
For being a lesbian.

No moRe shadows

Just finished clearing up my browser,
And my various email accounts.
Deleted mails that used to mean alot,
But the value of which depreciates over time


*Nostalgic*
She will always be a special part
Of what my life used to have
Nonetheless its over,
I think I'm ready to move on in entirety.
Memories still remain,
But at least now I can look back
With a smile,
No pain nor longing


Cleaning up and clearing out
An act of moving on
And riding oneself of excess baggage
That only serves to slow one down.
It shows what we have been through,
And hopefully lessons we have learnt

thankful for everything

Am really thankful to my body
For choosing the right time
that all the blocked nose,
And terrible cough came.
It started a little during promos,
and is moving on to full scale.
Tear-ring from the coughs now =[


Promotion was interesting,
A-midst the juniors'cheers & ranting,
When we went to receive our new rank,
I felt I belonged for a teeny moment.
All the friendships that I forged
It put a smile on my face =]
Then it all came back.
Sad case that as volunteers,
Our main intention is to help
Yet as with everywhere else,
Politics infiltrate and ruin
The innocence of everything.
Am so tempted to resign,
Yet inspired by the seniors,
Who helped solely on their desire to.


Realised I am a true Gemini
My interests are so varied,
I am amazed by myself.
Business/ Theater/ Human Psyche
Sometimes I wish that I can study all 3
Gee, can't I just concentrate on one?
Afterall what if I turn out to be
A jack of all trades,
and master of none?


Btw: new photos are up!

Man's psyche

2 papers down, 1 more to go
Yet everything feels surreal
Going through the process
Without feeling any emotions
No sense of relief,joy nor delight
I plod on


Just merely looking forward
To that thats' in store after the exams
Thats the sustanence I draw from
And of cuz, all those who msg me
The encouragement that drives me on


Many thanks to all who did,
Especially penny dear
Who doesn't read my blog.
*Ironical*
Sometimes we have no idea
The impact of our actions
How small they seem to us,
Yet how appreciated they are to others


Something someone said today made me think
"I am a goner, I only hope everyone is a goner."
Gee, how many of us have said that
Or even felt that way before?
Is that right?
To wish woe upon others
Merely because woe is upon ourselves?
I disagree.
Should I not do well,
It's through my own fault
Why should I wish the same on others then?
Man's psyche is such,
That we are selfish
We wish others to bemoan with us.


We should seriously try to change
Its hard to be happy for others,
But the least we can do
Is not to wish others to be
In the same sad fate as ourselves.


This thinking should not be encouraged

My horoscope for the day

Taking a break from studies,
I read the horoscope from Yahoo!
Like all SMU students do,
When they are bored
Found today's horo particularly accurate
So here goes:


You've been more focused on business than on play lately, which definitely isn't like you. Your friends are a bit taken aback by this, especially because it's the weekend -- and you really can't blame them. Explain that this is all due to the fact that you've just about had it with bowing down to other people's professional whims, and you're thinking of making an impressive exit. That, they'll understand.


I am sure all of u do! =)

Whatever Whatever

Slept a whole day
When my paper is on monday
Cant sum up my energies
Just cant put my heart into my work


Pray for me
Sincerely please do.
Am on the verge of a binge
Eating fried food & chips today
Urgh, dunno whats up with me


Unhealthy & lazy
Good concotion for a bum


I need to pull myself together
Be a mugger-toad for a few more days
Summon up the discipline from within
God help me,
I sincerely pray

Bleags

I know I am supposed to be still studying
But somehow this semester,
I lack the zest as I had last year.
Could it be the different surroundings?
The different subjects?
I know not.


What I do know is that I feel saturated
Everything I come across seems to apply
Mention "ABC" & I think ABC costing
Mention "eh, no guarantee" & exemption clauses
Are all that came to mind.
Should I feel relieved or weird out?
Sheesh, I cant wait for it to be over


Then it will be the promotion event
Kinda weird helping out after so long
And in full uniform somemore
Used to be confident that I can handle
Prepared for contingent situations
Yet now I am a twingl-ing worried
Fearful that I ll let myself down


As if I dun have enough to grapple with,
Now I have to deal with being insecure
Fearful and doubts of my own competence
*Sheesh

My other 1/3

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.

Your date match profile: Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Adventurous 3. Liberal 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Practical 6. Athletic 7. Romantic 8. Sensual 9. Outgoing 10. Religious

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Adventurous 2. Practical 3. Big-Hearted 4. Romantic 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Religious 7. Outgoing 8. Athletic 9. Intellectual 10. Conservative

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

Sleep beckons

Its 9 am in the morning
Seated in the library,
my bed at home beckons
*Yawns*


My brain woolly
Trying to study
Without caffine to aid.
The music plays in my ears
It drones on with no effect
I hope the opposite goes for my books


One more chapter of biz law to go
Then I would have completed it =)
Next up would be accounting~


*this is what I call self-soothe =P

no play day

This is so annoying
Sound of Music tickets are sold out
Apart from the hundred over bucks one
Which as students
Would be an extravagance expenditure
Should we purchase them


Needless to say,
the plan was to drop it
Next up was Boeing Boeing
Which tickets are sold out too
*Bleags


Of cos it din help
That we could all only make it on weekends
But well, friendship is more than a play
Too bad we just have to forego


Now in consideration is Lord of the Dance
Its seventy one bucks should we watch it
Undecided if we should just go
Maybe fate will decide for us once more =)


This is life and reality I guess
Not all choices for the picking!
Just talked to my yearmate..
Am promoted but debating if we should go
Back to studying first =)
Jiayou everyone!

woman

a woman, no matter how strong,
needs to have someone to lean on.


When the going gets tough,
And I get tired from studying,
regardless of how much i convince myself
that i am numb;
Strong enough to carry on alone
Reality remains
That I still wish someone here


Someone to lean on,
to wipe my tears away
to hush my fears
to hug me & chase all my fears away


Acute loneliness
Acute need to have a pillar
Yet when this longing subsides,
the mask remains on
A strong female to the world
Till the next wave rises

post exam activities

Out of sheer boredom
Studying discharge of contract,
leading to Frustration
(one of the methods of discharge)
I now breach my own contract
A agreement of studying and no blogging.


Gee, that was crappy ya?
But had to put into use what I revised.
Foresee the next few posts to be similar,
Provided they are before the exams.
Thats a fundamental premise,
which is essential to the formation of my conclusion


Cannot wait for exams to be over.
Foresee lots of activities =)


1. Find a job
2. Pinic with grpmates at Botanical Gardens
3. Sound of Music with yearmateys
4. Learn Salsa with my good friend
5. Learn swimming with a new friend
6. Put on braces
7. CCA Stuff which is not finalised


And thats for April..
Can't wait for May
Where some activities are in the brewing
*Anticipation with glee*


Here is a simple analytical skill exercise:


-If Cynthia's friends ask her out,
then she will find time for them
& she will definitely go.


-Cynthia's friends ask her out


> whats the conclusion?


Btw, that's an underlying hint
A hint of invitation =P

April fool

This post is not written by -Cyn-
It has been hacked into already
If you dun close the window in five secs,
A virus will worm through the bot.



Still here?
Tsktsk..Happy April Fool!
Too bad you din fall for it =(
A little slapstick joke I know
But pretty brain dead now.
Test this morning left me drained
Slept the whole afternoon away
Still groggy now.


Time to hit the books
Exams in a week
Pray for me, let me do well
Interview on monday,
Undecided if I want to really land it.
Oh well, we shall see


-Sleepy me- needs to study
Everyone work hard too

Tremors

Just felt some tremors at my place
Thought I was just feeling giddy,
From lack of sleep.
Then I noticed my blinds moving,
My wind chime tinkling.


Decided to get a drink,
Then I noticed the mirror swaying
Got really terrified
Asked mom if she felt anything
She thought she was giddy too.


Then got a msg from blade
Her place also had tremors
Felt blessed that what I felt was real
But yet terrified about what was to come.


Extrapolate to how others feel
Imagine living in Japan,
Or any other quake-prone area
*Shivers*


Feels real giddy now.
*petrified*

Reality

Was tempted to give it a miss,
After all, humans were never known
For liking to face up to reality


I went.
Felt so out of place,
If not for Yun-Jie,
Who kept me company throughout.
Many thanks gal =)
And you look good in the sari,
no matter what others say.


Apart from having a decent time
Chatting with Yun-jie about stuff,
It was reality alright.


It was clear for all to see
where the close friendship went.
We barely exchanged any words
Apart from pleasantries.
The extreme end of what we used to have.
I guess I am finally accepting it
Seeing it all with my own eyes.
Sad, but life is such.
Its the price to pay, I guess
For being honest about the way I feel


Its Easter Day today,
The celebration of birth
For me, I celebrate
The pride of being honest
The price of being honest.

Cynical me

Lately, I am becoming very cynical
Not being able to trust anyone
Wondering the reasons behind their masks
Wondering why they cannot be honest with me


Will there be no one
No one at all whom can be open
Why must we hide?
Fear of judgement?
I just like you to be who you are.
Truth hurts,
But hey, realising that you ain true
Is worse.


Friendships gone, Bonds ruined
Fault no one but yourself
what remains is just civility between us


Trusting you no more
My walls are up
Seriously comtemplating being celibate always

Female v males

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Settling Down

Supposed to start revision last week
Managed to start
Though am way behind plan
I ought to wake up
Stop thinking of play
Stop dreaming


Need the grades badly
To achieve what I want
My love life taken a backseat
The least I can do
Is to succeed in my studies


Time to pull up my socks..
Be a professional mugger for the next 3 weeks
=p


But before I go,
I must write this down before I forget
Huang Cheng was good yesterday.
Loved the first play the most
Portrayed love as a see-saw,
Delicately Balanced.
How many of us did things we regret,
But its too late to turn back the clock?


Insightful & reflective piece,
Ingenious use of lighting & props.
Loving theater as always

Goal Seek

Alrights, alrights.
Its officially 4 weeks to the exams.
I am swearing off my blog
Unless there is a urgent need
To spill out my brains;
Make space for knowledge:
Information on Business Law,
Management accounting & Analytical Skills.


So hopefully
I dont prove the link right,
that stress causes senileness
Forbid that to happen ya?


Goal setting time!
May I make the mark.
People who wanna study,
You guys can come look for me


Having fun-ners?
I may consider :P
Its still hard to instill self-discipline
Somehow~

Rgs.. beautiful memories..

Went back to RGS yesterday.
My alma mater.
Feels weird to refer to it that way,
'Cuz it still feels like home
Even after 4 years of leaving it.


Walked down memory lane,
Literally.
Every corner of the school,
New and Old
Remembering the old days
When we were just students there


Sleeping over during camps,
Doing drills in the quadrangle.
Taking photos everywhere,
And not forgetting, the canteen food


Couldnt help being nostalgic
The past 4 years have been tough
Subjected to reality, life's tumbles.
RGS is like a sanctuary always.


Looking at my juniors,
Some 7 years removed from me
Seeing them go through the process
Of what i had experienced.
A wistful feeling inside me.


Filiae Melioris Aevi:
Daughters of a better age

selfish time

Did well for my test,
but guess its a high price to pay:
The expectations from everyone
that the next test ll be equally well or better.


Sometimes i dunno why I work so hard.
To fulfill my own expectations
or to live up to others'
One thing is for sure,
Their standards is sure suffocating


Am so sick of being responsible
That everything I do,
I worry about how others ll react.
Am going to live free for once.
Do as I please,
Selfish, but liberating.

daily update

Learning Excel now.
Boy m I not excelling at visual basic
It ain basic at all.
But I ll be glad to teach any,
if I get the hang of it.


Mid of March now,
Let's see if someone's words are true,
Or will she eat the dust, as expected.
But I have learnt to count my blessings
Apparently she borrowed hundreds from others
With the usual promise to return,
But only return to borrow more.
Yepz.. no names mentioned but its
You-know-who
Not voldemont la


Am really crappy.
Guess its all the lack of sleep,
and the need to start exam revision.


Fellow Muggers, anyone?

at peace

Full acceptance with composure
Realised with certainity
There is no chance of us
Not even to keep the level of friendship before
Its just a simple truth.


We drifted apart


Much as we try,
things are different.
We should just let nature takes it course
No need to bemoan the loss of what cant be regained
What ll be ll be.


No longer bitter
Am at peace
The struggle has finally given up its ghost.

tears

raindrops are dropping down my cheek again.
Tastes bitter

Writing a Book!

haha..its Friday =]
Feeling better after the test
Yet am starting to cough.


Am in the library
Supposed to study,
But doing everything except that.
Library has lots of eye candy,
Surprisingly~
Considering the typical stereotypes of bungs.


A brainwave came to me last night
For those uninformed,
I am still on my CY


kinda lost sight of it
But I am back on track
*Yeps* =]
Am attempting to record it all down
Publish into a book,
Or just edit as a report
For future reference
Or as a guide to others.


Anyone interested? :P

a nightmare

Was debating if I should post this on
Struggled and finally decided to do so.


Am sick again.
Cut class for the first time
But decide to make up by attending tomorrow's


Had a bad night's sleep
Dreamt that she proposed to another
The gal even had a name
"Rand Lee" =]
Her name in the dream was also different.
It was vivid,
Her running to Rand with flowers,
And a lock in hand


I remember running away
Uttering "No" in denial
Then I lost it,
Called her over the phone,
Asked her about it.


She explained to me
That she feel for me still
That she saw how real I felt for her then


The tears I shed woke me up.
It was but a dream,
Yet I could not help but wonder
What if it was reality?


Would I flip like I did in the dream?
Nah.
I would emulate my only friend
Silently suffer and be strong

Short & sweet

haha.. been blogging more often now than ever.
Taking a break from my work la.


Am sick again!!!
Can someone kindly invent a nose-unblocker?
In the library,
Trying to be quiet
But my nose is a nuisance.
Cannot have smooth flow of air.
Argh~


Shopping tomorrow evening..
but got test on Friday :[

Still thinking of you

Last day teaching my nightmare,
Am so thankful for the free time now I have.
Hopefully I can catch up with my work,
Do well for my exams,
Land a scholarship perhaps
And lessen my $$ troubles.


Arranged for mugger sessions,
Pray they ll force me to work
Enable me to reach my full utility point.


Wonder if I am doing all this,
For what it seems to be,
Or to suppress something else.
I hope its the former.


Just some thoughts which I had yesterday
Which I haven post.
Here goes :


Listening to my Mamma Mia Cd
it was with you that I watched the play.
enjoyed it lots
That day gave me lots of good memories
Thoughts I ll cherish always.
Is it really impossible to forget you?
Or else how long will I take?
Everywhere I go, that we have gone before
You ll pop up
Relive-ing the times we had as close friends
Every single detail, smile and laughter
I guess we ll never have those moments again
Funny how i remember all these
How special and precious they are
Thanks for teaching me to value these simple things.
I miss you.


I think I have let go,
Forgetten not though.
Its true,
Time does wonders
I pray.

pest student.

Someone commented that I should be nice
Hence I should not refer to my student
as a pest.
*Ahem* you know who you are :)


Lemme paint u the picture.
If a student says she ll call
When she wants tuition,
and she doesn't call,
rational behaviour is ...


Then she turns up at your door,
Like a bad egg.
Just when famished me is about to tuck in.
*yups* exactly that happened.


and imagine,
having revised her work means
reading through.
No need to understand or memorise,
just reading will do. :)


Boy' am i glad tml is her last day!

Hanging in Here..

Saw this on someone's Fridae account
That one of the most painful things in life
is to insist that You have already let go,
when actually you still love that person.

I wonder if that is true for me


Occasionally still thinking about her,
Yet learning to stand alone,
And live independently.
Its not easy.


Life is just getting through the hours,
the days and months
Till you breathe your last
Sleep is when the reflief comes
The ability to just ignore life's reality


Let my pest student go.
*Finally!*
Though its a huge loss of income,
I guess it was worth it for sanity.


More time now to breathe
More time for revision and leisure (I hope)
Lady Salsa was good,
I wanna learn to dance.
To realize that dream.

Hot babe..

Just watched Taxi while studying biz law,
The lady robber in there is real hot.
Simply irresistable type.
Woah..


Anyway decided not to post my skeletons le
Told those whom I felt were close to me
Shant post and let it be a weapon


Finally finish downloading the L word
1 episode and it takes one day.
Thank goodness I borrowed the rest to burn
Cant imagine downloading it all.


Cycling tml! :)

the past is back to haunt

the past always catches up with you
no matter how you fight it


I thought I had let it go
But it was back to haunt me


Yes, I was cheap
I was living many lies.
Lies even my closest friends have no idea of
Lies that will shock them.
Plenty of skeletons in my closet


People who read my blog,
Most of you mean something
Except for the few
Whom I have seen your true colours.


Those who mean something,
How would you all react if I will to come clean?
Coming clean would free from the past
But would I be strong enough
Able to deal with the consequences?


I wanna let go,
To come clean.
And I wanna tell you all the truth
Honesty I prize
And I want my friendships to be built on trust
On honesty


People who hurt me can just screw themselves
I am going to post my skeletons..
Watch for the next post

exam time!

i think its weird.
20 minutes to my Excel exam,
with lots of uncertainity about visual basic.
Not sure if I 'll do well,
And I'm blogging.


Watched the 1/2 of fate last night
On channel 8 @ 9pm.
Could relate to one character so well
In one of the scenes.


Indeed its hard to forget
When that person is so perfect to you
That you think no one can parallel her.
She is the one you think you loved the most
& that no one could ever match up to her.
It was so real..
tears rolled down my cheeks


In the show.. the character had a adult monkey to take care of her.
Will I?

RaciSm

Conclusion of the day: I think I am a racist.


To my friends who are Malays,
Fret Not.
I am NOT referring to you.
Everyone can go figure out who I am against.


My "experiences" with them
Left me feeling irritated & exasperated
So forceful and rude
Can't even finish my sentences,
Without her punctuating my sentences with
"Ya, that was what I was thinking"
Credit claiming? *bleaghs*


And when I ask questions,
"No no, I don't mean that."
When I comment,
"Orh.." she goes.


I am so mad I can't think clear.
So much for racial harmony
ANGRY!

bored

Am in school now. Finally managed to finish all the assignments that is required of me for the week. *phew*


Been a long 2 weeks. Had been coughing for a week and 4 days counting. Thought I ll never recover and have a good night sleep. Finally it seems to be subsiding. Can't wait for the day I can say adiyos to my medicine.


Valentine Day was fine.. my first vdae in 3 years that I celebrated being single. Sam came over with Mikko to give me something. Left me affected for a while but I bounced back. Conclusion? I think I'm finally letting go.


Moral of my experience: Don't lend people money. It may seem too money-minded of me to blast your name here, but guess what? I don't care. Jordan borrowed money from me and now that I want it back, she totally disappeared. Not replying my messages nor answering my calls. Read on her blog that she has a new girlfriend. So much for really being in love with me *rolls eyes*


dad's here to pick me for my next tuition. gotta go. so much for the luxury of blogging.Hee.. just remembered my only friend says my blog too chim..always in poetry form. Well, here is a prose one.. so no killing of ur brain cells :)

loVefools we aLl are..

All around me,
I see people feeling for one another.
Yet their love AIN reciprocated.
Giving all & more of themselves,
Just to make the other happy.
Is it worth it?


Foolishness it is, maybe.
But who am I to judge?
After all, I am guilty too.
Guilty of being a love-fool.


Cupid-oh cupid dear,
Shoot your arrow
Straight & clear
Make it mutual,
Don't hurt these ppl here.
I have paid my price,
DOn't maKe these frEns of mine,
Trod the paTh that I have madE.


Its too painfUl,
thiS exPerieNce I have
To wIsh uPon oThers.
ProTect tHem,
gIve them the HappinEss they deServe.


Cupid-oh cupid dear,
thIs i asK of You.
Give mY freNs loVe..
the One they deSire.
LeSt theY giVe in VaiN

Letting Go

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE


To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.


To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.


To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.


To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.


To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.


To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.


To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.


To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.


To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.


To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.


To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.


To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.


To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.


To let go is not to critize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what i dream I can be.


To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.


To let go is to fear less and love more.



Remember: The time to love is short


Author Unknown

loVinG iT!

LiFe is Good..
BeJewELLed is Addictive


No longer living each day,
Waiting to hear from her.
Life sMells sO much mOre of frEedoM.
Although OccasioNal tHoughts cRept In,
Yet I aM so muCh bEttEr foRe-arMed.


Busy with scHool, buSy with decisionS to maKe.
In need of sleep, in need of thee.
I leaRn tO survIve,
Alone


I still Like her..
buT i haVe nO moRe exPectatIons.
What iS to coMe 'll cOme,
Reality is aCcepTed wiTh peAce.


I diD it!

Letting Go

Been wanting to let go,
And I am finally doing so.
It took me so long,
A poem to realise what letting go means.


Sam, do you see this?


I am accepting reality that we are friends.
Nothing more, and I am not harbouring any more hope.
Am comfortable with this,
And should we drift apart, I do it with peace.
No regrets, no doubts this time.


I am at peace :)


Living life as I should,
Cherishing each day to the fullest.
No more tears for you I shed,
and should I be destined to turn straight,
I will do it.
Happiness & satisfaction are my desires,
and for them I ll strive.


Stronger & stronger I 'll be.
What'll come, 'll come

Shattered

My heart cries out
A strong front I put on
My stupidity from then till now
All in vain as it came to naught


You told me to give you time.
Time I gave you freely,
Never asked for anything in return.
Now that she is coming back,
What next?
For me to wait in futile,
While you be with her?
Or to give up,
so as to protect myself


Protecting myself,
Something I have always done
Yet this time round,
Could never be determined enough to.
To do it & stick to it for always.
And seek the peace I desperately need.
The peace of not having you,
And the comfort that comes from accepting it.


I have to accept it,
and to face it.
The sooner I do,
the better it is.
A drinking partner I need,
Yet none in sight.
With no time to spare,
Nor a person to confide in.
What have I gotten myself into?


Fate dealt me you,
And you dealt me hard blows.
My heart is torn to bits
In anguish my muffled cries
I long to sob,
but the lump in my throat is held.

Release all these torment from within,
Please.

A woman is what I am

Woman of desires,
I do not know what I want
Uncertain if I made the right decision
of waiting for the one I cry for
Or should I turn my head away,
And run elsewhere.


Woman of needs,
Non-devoid of emotions.
I have my times of insecurity,
Hungry for assurance and the human touch.


Woman of questions,
Do you really mean the words you say?
Or are you just saying them to console me
To prevent me from getting hurt?


Woman of no patience,
Yet I am willing to wait.
Irony this is,
but what does it say?
It ain in your face,
But yes, I feel for you
More than what I dare admit.

Foolishness!

My foolishness I lament.
For as I cherish what I have with you,
There you are appreciating someone else.


My foolishness I lament.
The pain you cause me,
The hurt I feel for what you did,
I can never fault you.
For all are entitled to their right of freedom.


I once pledge to move on.
I tried & yet it is just a futile struggle.
Cant seem to get you out for good.
Detest my weak will
My foolishness I lament.


When can I leave all this behind?
Leave it behind for good.
Stop hurting myself
And move on for good.

learNing tO stAnd

You're the past
Which I'm trying to get over
In the awakening hours,
I guard myself with a fervor
Determined not to expose me to hurt again.


Yet its in my dreams
Where I am the most vulnerable,
That you enter...
Waking up to find that I get affected
Continual mulling over what was dreamt,
Wondered why they happened as they did
Struggle to keep my resolve
Determined not to expose me to hurt again.


I wanna learn to stand
To be strong again

Singaporeans

-The UGLY Singaporean-

Those who make use of the disaster to get rid of their unwanted items!

--> Donated swimming trunks/ bikinis/ carpets/ used underwear to the victims


--> Threw a fuss & threatened to call the police/ not donate money when items are not accepted


--> Became agitated when their calls are not returned immediately


We should seriously reflect, and count our blessings. Indeed we are blessed enough to be in a position of giving, should we then give out of what we have, or is it just good enough to dump our leftovers. Place yourselves in the shoes of the receivers

-The GOONDU Singaporean-

Those who call the hotline &:


--> Commented that the hotline is really hot.. and that they cannot get through easily


--> gave us their location & actually asked where their nearest post office is (I am not a walking street directory)


--> Asked us where Taufik Batisah is performing (Its a hotline for the disaster.. not SG Idol)



We should really think before we speak, and refrain from making a fool of ourselves. No doubt you provided entertainment from the mundane enquiry phone calls, but reality check. This line is ultimately a disaster hotline, not a answer ALL questions line. For that, try 100.